When posting on Facebook or other social media sites, most people generally select the fun loving “happily ever after events/photos to portray their life. Well both Jaz & I do fit into this category in some ways – but apart from our usual posts on social media – here’s what actually happened….
1. I BROKE DOWN TWICE
3 weeks in to motherhood – I broke down and cried because I felt helpless and overwhelmed by it all. I had another break down at about 5 months where I felt that I wasn’t able to do it all. I used to think that sure, I can be a mum, a wife, a career woman and still have my own time – yes seriously!! I had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot do it all. I learned that it is okay to accept help from people when offered. You can try and do it all of course, but something has to give. It depends on the situation of course and the choices you make of what is most important to you.
2. I HAVEN’T BEEN MUCH OF A WIFE TO MY HUSBAND
Yes – the baby took all my time and energy but I still managed to do the housework and make sure food is on table when Jaz came home from work. However, we lost a bit of our connection as most of our conversations revolved around POOP, PEE, MILK….. When we went on our date nights – what we had in our mind were definitely different to what we do LOL… intimacy was out the window as well for a while – like, after pushing Harvey out, the last thing I wanted was that.
3. THE FATHER ROLE IS EQUALLY AS IMPORTANT AS THE MOTHER’S
In our ThompKlan household, both of our parent roles are equally important. I have never really had an opinion about the specific importance the mother or father role, however to me it seemed that society portrays the mother role as more important. In our case – I would disagree. It is true that when Harvey was breast feeding and I was on maternity leave, had to get up in the night more and nurtured him more than Jaz, but that doesn’t mean the role is more important. At that time, Jaz’s part as a father was supporting his family, supporting my fluctuating moods and much much more – which I may create a separate article for. After I went back to work full time, our roles almost overlapped each others entirely and there was really no difference between our duties as parents.
4. I WENT CRAZY AFTER HARVEY REACHED 6 MONTHS OLD
By the time Harvey was 6 months old, I felt quite hopeless and didn’t fell like I had a purpose in life (obviously Harvey is a great purpose but that’s beside the point). Everyday was the same old thing and yes, it was rewarding when Harvey achieved his milestones, made me smile, laughed, cuddle and even gave kisses, but it was just not enough for me…. I felt that I was starting to loose myself a little bit. As a result of these feelings, I actually created this website to keep myself occupied – and also as a way to journal my motherhood journey.
I almost went crazy, calling or messaging Jaz every hour or so and feeling isolated. Of course I went out and socialised with other Mums but at the same time I don’t really want to spend the money because I was not contributing to the family financially. I absolutely did not like being “looked after” by Jaz financially even though that was his role as mentioned earlier. I always liked to be able to get him a present from my own money and little things like that. I also did not like the idea that if something happened to Jaz, how would I look after our family? It is not just the two of us anymore where we both can look after ourselves. Of course you can have a financial plan etc… but I felt that I wanted to be able to provide for my child and to my family in all aspects.
This went on for some time and to the point that, Jaz had told me you need to get a job”! I was driving him insane!!
I had discovered that only being a mother was not enough for me. Don’t get me wrong, I do love Harvey but this doesn’t mean I have to be a stay home mum to prove that. It doesn’t mean I have to give up everything in life in order to raise him. I truly believe the old saying that you have to be happy within yourself first, before you can make anyone else happy.
5. LOVE COMES WITH TIME
I don’t believe in love at first sight although my husband does. Jaz always told me that he fallen in love when he first saw me….like seriously???? The majority of people say that the first moment you meet your newborn is magical etc… After we have found out we were pregnant, I was curious and eager to see if I would experience the so call “magic”…..but no, I did not. To me it was more like being thankful that we had a perfectly healthy baby followed by “now what??”. I now have full responsibility of this child’s life because no one does. My love towards Harvey has developed over time…it probably took me about 9 months before I can truly say that I really start to love my son fully, but it definitely continues to grow every single day.